Dating, It's Just as Awkward Even With Today's Technology/ Generation

Remember when a male would open the door? Pay for the meal? Plan the evening? Remember when it was about: Do you make each other laugh? How about same morals and values? Do you both eventually would like a relationship that ends in marriage?

Now it's about how good are you in bed? Can I take that for a test drive before we go any further? What do you want sexually? Can I do "these______" things to you sexually? This is how I like being touch....

All on a first in person meeting! I thought that is what the technology is for, ask the questions or confess your desires to see if you can ever been that close to them in person before you even meet.

Just wow! Sure I'd get naked in a heart beat but at the same time, I DON'T KNOW YOU. I NEED to know if I will be more than just a Sperm Dumpster to you.

Sperm Dumpster... males get offended when you say it, but yet, that's most of their intentions. Are you pissed that I know?

Confusing People

I'm quite chatty at my job (inbound call center rep), which is always taken as friendly. But this last time, wow, things just clicked!

Hours after work, we spoke for over 2 hours with no dead silence. It was past midnight where he was, was a promise to call me the the following the day -and now it's the following day after that and still no word.

I don't get.....

July 2nd

After getting several repeated hang ups from the work phone of where I met this person, I called back, hoping (of course) that there was just an issue with a phone. When he realised it was me, he immediately hung up! A moment later, I emailed him asking him what I did wrong? A few hours later, he responded:

absolutely NOTHING wrong with you, i just cant give in to temptation, your a cool gal, but i got things to work out in my life 1st. sorry if i mislead you in any way, your good to talk to,


Most men say what they mean, but he just back in forth here..and I'm not ready to let go... yet...

Addictions

It was extremely close -never to experience the magic... of love such as this.  Sure we had chemistry, we could finish each other's sentences, know what one another was thinking. We shared lots of laughs...

All those years, so many laughs, but there was always this wall from allowing me to experience that smile, that chemistry, complete irresistibility.

When the day came where we worked different shifts at the same job, it was a stress off my shoulders in more ways than one. I would no longer be worried that his need to experience his addition before work, would keep me from clocking in on time. Still, I struggled with what I thought was recreational, not realising its full dominance in his life until I moved in... I'd go to bed and he'd be involved with his adventure. I'd wake up 8 hours later, and he'd still be a slave to it.

My struggles are also held in place by a barricade, his friend for slightly longer than we've known each other. He could have spent hours in his haze, but now his friend wants to be involved -how dare I demand any time with my "he" without "it" and without his friend feeding the desire to participate in it more?

Not long ago, I learned some months ago, as well as over a year my "he" desire to be with me wasn't because he clean, but because "it" lost it's appeal...but It always win!

That stung, so I began to pull away. I even was firm with how depressed, how much it was tearing me up, killing my sex drive -but the very next opportunity he was fondling, admiring, and doting over it.   

Natalie Imbruglia's lyrics crept in: illusion will never change into something real

Sigh. He's been him all these years except for a handful of months where he was doting over me when I took interest in dating another...

It's been I who have been holding this together! I have been pulling away for weeks now and he's done what he's always done!

I don't want to fall back onto the rollercoaster with useless brakes so I must work hard at reminding myself that he is what he is, and he'll never have both feet in the door in a permanent basis.

His addition is PC online gaming. What addiction have you attempted to cope with? What addiction have you tried to find a middle ground with? You feel just as foolish as me, don't you? But he's no role model, so why don't you join me in putting together a secret plan? Make a goal to reach -to finally get off the rollercoaster with busted brakes. Truly, how many more years do you want spend on that ride? Was all those years worth those few months of bliss? Want to trade in another half decade just to get a couple of months what felt like winning the lottery of love?

I'm done dreaming.